In Gods hands

After 6 weeks in intensive care all the nice words in the beginning about whether or not God gives special strength to Christians during hard times are being tested.

Not seeing any great improvement in Hannah's condition, hearing the doctors not knowing what to do, seeing the expressions on the nurses faces, the uncertainties and all the if's and maybes, it is in someways getting more and more difficult to handle. However, at the same time we must say that we have a strange peace about it all, this I think surprises many in the care team as they keep asking if we are okay or if we would like to talk to a priest or psycologist.

My question is then what is it that brings that peace? If there is no difference between Christian and Non-Christian then can this be explained by some human strength or extraordinary ability to stay calm under pressure?

Living in the "Familyhouse" we hear of other families going through difficult times, and I notice that one thing which often comes up is that all families rely on the skills of the doctors and nurses to do their job properly. This is very true. Without the ability of the nurses and doctors we wouldn't have much of a chance. One mistake from a doctor could end it all, or as with Hannah they are talking about that the reason for the defect in the heart valve could be due to it being scratched during the first operation, a small mistake by one of the surgeons which is now having big consequences. My point is that if our hope is only relying on the ability of the doctors I would be a nervous wreck. How can I trust another human being not to make a wrong decision or a mistake, when I can't trust myself to do the same.

So why can I sit calmly in my chair watching my daugther's blood pressure dropping below what it has been earlier, and write this blog?

My hope lies with God! I trust that no matter what the doctors do the outcome will in the end be under God's control. I even trust that if the doctors decide to give up today and turned off the respirator, but it is God's will that Hannah should live, he will be able to make her breathe. On the other hand, if it is not God's will that she should live, then the doctors can do everything right and the outcome will be the death of Hannah. I think this is the source of my peace: there is nothing I can do to change the will of God, there is nothing the doctors can do to change the final outcome. This doesn't mean that we don't appreciate the highly qualified staff that we've met here at Skejby, but it means that we see them as a tool in Gods hand.

God is good to us, we can enjoy the sunny days, spend time together with our family, get to think and read more books and overall get to experience the feeling of being in Gods hands.