Week two: ups and downs

I'm not going into all the details of what happened during the second week, but I'm feeling this is going to be one of the more philosophical posts.

The second week was all about the ups and down, or the two step forward and one step backward, as the doctors keep saying.

The questions that I keep asking is why and how long...two questions that the doctors cannot answer. In one sense I'm not scared that Hannah will die, as hard as it will be, I'll still know that we gave her a chance to live and that she will be in heaven with Jesus where it will be far better for her.
On the other hand, if God wants her to live and survive why does she have to go through all these things to get there, why did she have to crash on the operation table, why doesn't she loose the liquid so that the open holes can be stitched up, why does the dialysis fluid keep leaking, and so on. It is questions that no one can answer and all we can do is sit back, wait and pray.

So in all this is there a purpose?

I will always believe that somehow God is gloryfied through this! Whether this is by teaching me to trust him more, to touch the life of the many people that are following us through this, or something completely different. I don't know right now but I have the feeling that something much bigger than we can imagine is going on.
This then leads to another question...why me? Am I anything special? Am I any stronger than anyone else?

I talked with a family at the house we are staying at who have a 5 year old boy who has had his second cancerous tumor removed from the brain and is going through a 4 week chemo treatment where his is to be in isolation. The family are not Christians or anything but they had such a positive view on things. It just made me think about what it is that makes us, as Christians, different? Are we not all just going through life?

It is a hard question.
As Christians we of course have the assurance that we shall be in heaven with Christ when we die, and it gives us something to look forward to.
As Christians we know that "all things work for good".
As Christians we know that "as your days, so your strength will be".
As Christians we have all Gods promises
But is this what is keeping us going or are we relaying on the same strength as "normal" people?
Maybe this is where the real difference lies and maybe this is the answer to the whys.
Everyone can manage hard times as long as there is hope and as long as there is light at the end of the tunnel. I've seen that over this week, that when things were going forward the hope rose and so did the mood, but as soon has something happened the hope dropped and I was ready to give up and just wishing it was all over. This is our human strength. When things drag out, when hope of things turning to the good start to deminish, when the doctors start to get worried, this is where the unending supply of God's strength can kick in!
Am I at that point? Hmmm, not sure, sometimes I feel that I am still going in my own strength. So does this mean that I'm the one holding Hannah back from getting better? Maybe...but at the same time I'm starting to see that the longer it takes the more clear it becomes that God is protecting her, and that it is not just the doctors work alone (though they are doing the best they can) which has brought her through.

So all in all we hang on to God and trust in him. And as Daniel's friends said "no matter whether God is going to save us from the fire or not, we only worship the one and true God" so we say "no matter what happens, we know the one and true God loves us and we worship him alone"