Dads outlet (the first week)

I'll give my side of the last week or so. Mainly just as an outlet so don't feel you need to read this. I may be more honest that what some people would like but hope it will just help to see what we are going through.

Monday 11th.
When we left home to drive to Skejby I was grumpy. We were running late and hadn't slept much and I could feel the pressure of the unknown for the coming weeks we are there. When we got to the hospital (half an hour late) things were not much better. However after Ally got examined and it was desided that she was ready enough just to take the water things were looking better. Maybe this could be the easy ride...

7 hours later I was standig there ready to cut the umbilical. I remember thinking earlier that this was actually a terrible act. Knowking the condition of the baby cutting the umbilical was like cutting the main life support, without any help it would now die.

I followed the little girl to the intensive care where she was examined and her heart condition was confirmed. It was mixed feelings at that moment. She looked so healthy but God had not miraculously cured her on the way through the birth canal, and ahead was lying some critical operations. However, the healthy look gave the hope that she would handle the operations without major problems.

Tuesday 12th.
Everyone saying congratulation and were excited about the little girl. Still I was filled with mixed feelings. How can you say congratulation with a practically dying little girl. I know that's not the meaning but it just seemed so shallow.

Wedensday 13th.
The day of the first operation. We'd been told that they had chosen to perform a much simpler operation than normally would be done due to the good condition of her vessels. There was hope that this would go as planned, no major concerns. The spirit was high, though still with the knowledge that there was a risk. But of course God would keep her safe.

At three o'clock the call came: The operation had gone as planned, but right at the end our little girl (now called Hannah) had crashed for no known reason and they were going to put her on CPR.
Our spirit sank, maybe things where not to go as easy.
Three hours later we could see Hannah for the first time with tubes going in and out her little body. She looked better than I expected, but it was still hard.

Thursday 14th.
Hannah seemed to have recovered from the heart attack and her heart was ready to come off the machine. This took place in the afternoon and it looked like it was a success. Things where starting to pick up.
However, one of the side effect of being on CPR is that there is a risk of fluid being pumped into the tissue in the skin due to pressure and the thin blood. This was starting to show and when the doctors decided to try and remove some Hannah lost blood preesure. This showed us how fragile she was, one little change was enough to put her out of balance. The same happened later in the night, and for the first time I think we realised that there was a large risk of loosing her. I was ready to up and let her go. The story of David when his son with Betshebath was sick came in to my mind. For days David was praying and fasting for God to save his son, but when the son died he got up and ate. I was ready to do the same. Get up go home and get on with our lives.

Friday 15th.
Hannah was a lot more stable but had puffed up like a michelin man. Her kidneys had not started to work and the leaking into the tissue was worse. The doctor was fiddeling as they called it to keep the balance. But overall it looked like it was going in the right direction.
Most of my familly came to visit which was good. Joshua had a good time playing with his cousins. After dinner we were discussing to go up to see Hannah and whether or not to take Jousha with us. Shortly after I see my mother in law pulling up with Joshua kicking and screaming and I snapped and got mad at her and pulled Joshua out of her arms. "why did she have to stir up a riot before we had figured things out calmly?"
However, this didn't help an already tense relationship between Jousha and my inlaws. For a while this filled my mind as things with Hannah were stable.

Saturday and Sunday
There was little change in Hannahs condition. Due to the kidneys being out of function Hannah was on diasysis which though leaking seemed to be working satifactory.
Joshua went to the zoo with my parrent and had a change of scenery, which was good. Beside the problem with the fluid Hannah was getting more and more stable and the hope was rising.

Monday 18th
No significant change in condition. Which is good and bad. The main problem is that the fluid in her body is not reducing and the dialysis fluid is now leaking through every hole in her little body. Doctors don't seems to know what to do and nothing seems to be working